


Back to Where We Started

by hokage35



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sad, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hokage35/pseuds/hokage35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An accident tore them apart. Can tragedy bring them back together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Words We Never Got to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry but I just had to write this. Sad start but it gets better...
> 
> All chapter titles were taken from lyrics of Take You Back by Graham Colton.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna: hey have you seen the news? Cas it’s bad. It’s really, really bad. The house fire it was the Winchester home. Cas the lady who died. It was Mary.

Castiel was fresh out of university about to start work as a teacher. He'd found a job at a school in the city, he'd moved into a unit not far from where he'd be working. Teaching fifth grade was going to test him completely.

He'd finished dinner and was settling in for a night on the couch when he turned on the news to hear a story about a horrible house fire that claimed the life of a middle aged woman in Hillsboro Oregon where he'd grown up. It pained Castiel’s heart a little bit, maybe he knew the woman? That made things worse.

His phone beeped with a new text. He dropped the cup of tea he’d been drinking, not caring that the cup shattered on the floor. 

**_Anna: hey have you seen the news? Cas it’s bad. It’s really, really bad. The house fire it was the Winchester home. Cas the lady who died. It was Mary._ **

Mary Winchester, Castiel’s chest tightened as he stared at the phone screen, the woman had been like a second mother to him. Making him snacks every other afternoon when he’d come to visit, or lunches on the weekends when he and Dean went to the park.

Dean. Castiel’s mind shattered. He hadn’t spoken to the other man since he left four years ago. They’d been best friends, inseparable really. From junior high right up until graduation Dean and Castiel were a perfect pair. Then it all changed when in the midst of their graduation ceremonies someone had given Castiel a glass of champagne and then another, and another. He hadn’t meant for his feelings to show, definitely not like that. He’d never planned on kissing Dean in front of their family and friends.

He still remembered that day. The look of horror on Dean’s face. The shocked looks of everyone around them. His whole world shook and Castiel couldn’t take it so he ran away down south to university in California living with his Aunt Naomi. 

But now things had changed. He knew what he had to do, Castiel had to go back and pay his respects. He owed Mary that much.

Hands shaking he picked up the phone and dialed the school’s principal to apologize and decline the job. He then cleaned up the mess and went to his room to pack. He had a long drive the next day.

***** 

The morning came eventually after a night of staggered sleep. Castiel stumbled to the shower before downing three cups of coffee. He’d woken extremely early as to get a nice start on the road. He’d told Anna of his plans the previous night. She agreed it was a wonderful idea and decided to accompany him to the funeral in two days.

It took him just over sixteen hours to complete the drive, having stopped a couple of times. He was exhausted when he arrived late at night. Anna greeted him at their family home. It was just her. Their mother died when they were little and their father was in London on an eight week intensive business trip.

They didn’t speak much, she could tell from the bags under his eyes that her brother was exhausted. Instead she let Castiel go to sleep in his old room. They’d have time to talk in the morning.

Everything seemed surreal to Castiel as he lay in his old bed. Memories of his childhood soon came flooding back to him. Like the time his brothers Gabriel and Lucifer punched a hole through the wall outside his room one evening as they play fought. Or the times he and Dean sat on the rooftop every Fourth of July to watch the fireworks. Castiel’s mind soon settled on Dean, the teenager who was with him through thick or thin, well most of the time. A stab of pain radiated through Castiel’s heart as he tried to let himself drift off to sleep. 

A knock on his bedroom door ripped Castiel out of his blissful sleep. He’d been dreaming of the time he went on a picnic with the Winchesters when he was twelve. Mary made the best potato salad he’d ever tasted.

“Castiel?” Anna’s voice pulled him to reality. “I thought you’d like to go to breakfast?”

Sore but awake Castiel stood up and stretched his entire body. “Let me shower and I’ll meet you downstairs,” he replied.

Whilst it was good to see his sister again, Castiel wished it had been under better circumstances. He hadn’t been home in so long. Luckily though Anna would come and visit every other month so he didn’t feel like they’d missed each other so much.

They settled on The Roadhouse a couple miles down the road. The place still looked the same but the atmosphere was grim. The owner’s Ellen and her daughter Jo were close to Mary and all of the Winchesters.

“It’s tragic,” Anna broke the silence between them as she gripped her coffee mug close. 

Castiel just added a nod in agreement.

“Mrs Winchester was always so lovely,” she smiled. “I remember one time she nearly tore Dean’s ear off the day he made fun of me for getting braces.” The siblings chuckled lightly at the memory. “Have you spoken to him? To Dean?”

Castiel shook his head this time. “No.”

Anna remembered the history between the two boys and she knew Castiel knew she was on his side. “Look Castiel I don’t want to reopen old wounds but it’s Dean.”

“Anna I don’t-” he began but Anna cut him off.

“He’s not doing so well. I spoke to Meg who told me he’s kind of shut himself down. Sam’s been distraught and their father is spending a lot of time trying to settle him but Dean hasn’t shown any emotion yet.” Her hands quivered a little as she spoke.

Suddenly Castiel wasn’t feeling so hungry. Sure Dean had rejected him but Castiel couldn’t help the way his heart ached at the words. He knew what it was like to lose a parent but Dean was always so guarded so careful not to show any real emotion in case it was mistaken as weakness. In reality Castiel pitted the man. 

Their breakfast finally arrived and after a hug and welcome back from Jo, the mood seemed to improve. Ash’s famous pancakes certainly helped.

Anna asked about what Castiel was up to and if he’d started work yet. He told her no, omitting the part about how he quit the job he hadn’t started just to come back to town. Something would undoubtedly come his way.

Castiel was on his second cup of coffee when he heard the bells above the front entry signalling someone entering the café. He didn’t pay much attention until he heard the figure order. The voice was familiar, sure it was a little deeper and grainier but it was unmistakable. When Castiel looked up he saw the other man standing there looking at him with a take away coffee in hand. “Cas?” the voice barely whispered.

Frozen in his seat all Castiel could do was stare into the green eyes that were gazing right back at him.

“Go to him,” Anna kicked him under the table. 

He wasn’t sure what made him move but Castiel stood and walked towards the counter. Anna’s words stuck in the front of his mind as Castiel observed the figure in front of him. Dean was taller, more muscular and defined. His face looked worn, as if he hadn’t slept but in true Dean Winchester style he stood there expressionless. 

With only a few feet between them Castiel noticed Dean place his take away cup on the counter, his hand now trembling, his face going paler. “Dean I-” was all Castiel managed to say before the other man pulled him closer burring his face into Castiel’s neck.

Within seconds there was sobbing. Dean was crying. “Cas,” Dean’s voice was rasp as he hugged Castiel tighter. “Cas,” he whispered again.

“Shh Dean it’s alright,” Castiel tried to sooth him, running his hand down the back of Dean’s head. People were staring but he didn’t care. They stood there for what seemed like forever as Dean shuttered and sobbed in his grasp. It wasn’t until Ellen came out of her office that she gestured Castiel into the room.

“It’s fine,” she said, all but pushing the pair into the room before closing the door, leaving them alone. 

“You’re really here?” Dean finally managed to string a sentence together. “I’m not dreaming?”

The words nearly broke Castiel as he fought hard to keep his own tears at bay. No, he told himself, be strong for Dean. It was the other man’s turn to fall apart. “Yes Dean,” he replied as Dean slowly pulled away straightening up. Realization hit him hard. His father was too busy with his younger brother Sam. Dean had no one. He was only holding it together because he had no one to fall apart to.

“Cas man, I’m so sorry,” Dean started his voice trembling again.

“Dean no,” Castiel silenced him, knowing Dean was going to bring up that day. “I’m not here for that, right now I’m here for you and your family.”

Dean smiled weakly but it was genuine as he pulled the smaller man into his arms again. “Thank you Cas.”

They stood in silence for twenty minutes just holding each other. Castiel closed his eyes focusing on the rise and fall of the other man’s chest waiting for Dean to settle down. A knock on the door pulled them back to reality. “Are you guys alright?” It was Anna.

“Shit!” Dean checked his watch. “I have to go. I have to get to the funeral home, they need to go over a few things and dad can’t.” Dean was trying to be the man of the house.

Castiel didn’t know where it came from but something in his gut forced the words out. “I’ll come with you.”

“Cas no,” Dean started his voice rasp again. 

“Dean it’s not up for debate,” Castiel put on his stubborn tone knowing that this Dean would not argue.

Castiel knew things were bad when Dean handed him the keys to his Impala. Dean did not let anyone drive his baby. Castiel smiled, accepting them as he helped Dean into the passenger’s side. 

They drove in silence, the funeral home wasn’t far. When they arrived Castiel motioned to get out of the car but Dean didn’t budge. “Dean come on,” Castiel offered weakly.

“I can’t,” Dean shook his head.

“You can,” Castiel placed his hand on top of Dean’s. “I’ll be right here with you.” Their past however rocky would just have to wait.


	2. I Don't Learn From My Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to waste time not saying the things I should have said years ago."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) I'll try and have the rest up soon!

The funeral parlor made Castiel’s heart skip a beat as he pulled into the carpark, turning off the engine. He noticed that whilst he’d undone his seat-belt and reached for his door handle; Dean had not moved. “Dean are you okay?”

“Cas I can’t,” came the defeated reply.

“We can,” Castiel corrected the other man, instinctively placing a hand on Dean’s knee for support but quickly pulling it back when he realized what he was doing. He was here for Mary not to dredge up the past.

Together they walked inside. Everyone was so nice but the information was a bit of an overload. The funeral director and his assistant pressed Dean to make many hard decisions. Whilst these choices were usually done by several family members in consultation Dean knew that his father and brother were not up to the task. What music he’d like played, floral arrangements, burial schedules and alike. Dean’s answers became shorter more direct. He was getting overwhelmed and annoyed.

Just when he thought he couldn’t take anymore Castiel stepped in. He remembered the church the Winchester family used for Dean’s grandfather’s funeral and the cemetery and burial plot locations, not to mention several other details. He took over almost effortlessly leaving final approval for Dean who did so generally with a nod.

The weight in the room shifted and the atmosphere lightened. Castiel could feel Dean’s relief as he remained silent but appreciative. 

It was just after four pm as the pair emerged from the funeral director’s office, making their way back to the Impala. “Thanks,” Dean offered as they stood awkwardly by the car.

Castiel just smiled. The whole situation was fucked up but he was happy to be able to help. Still as they stood in the car park it became more and more apparent that neither man knew where to go from there. Castiel knew he could always get Anna to come and pick him up and that Dean probably just wanted to go home. He really was not expecting what came next. 

“Do you want to hang out?” Dean’s words were shaky as if he’d already anticipated the no. He knew he had no right to ask this from Castiel. 

“I,” Castiel’s mind went blank. He should say no, go home with Anna and await the funeral tomorrow. Saying yes would only complicate things. But since when did his brain ever listen to reason? “Sure,” he smiled again.

They went back to Dean’s place, an apartment he’d started renting a year ago, making small talk on the way. Dean had graduated with a journalism degree and was now working for the local paper as a columnist. Castiel was happy for him, and a little bit proud of himself as he remembered all those time during English where he’d told Dean he had a knack for writing. Seems Dean listened to him after all.

He ascended the staircase up two flights following Dean’s lead. The apartment was nice enough. A little small but for that didn’t matter when it was only one person living there.

“Gonna order a pizza,” Dean announced as he threw his keys on the counter and walked Castiel through to the lounge room. Castiel just nodded his agreement as Dean dialled the number. “Pineapple and cheese?” Dean asked him. He remembered Castiel’s order after all this time. It made the smaller man blush. Dean used to pick on him for his weird and sacrilegious taste in pizza but now there he was ordering it for him almost as if they were seventeen and hanging out on a Friday night after school like old times. 

Unsure of what to do, Castiel settled himself on the couch soon joined by Dean. They sat in silence for a bit, neither of them sure of what to say to one another. “How’s San Francisco?” It was Dean who eventually spoke.

“Good,” Castiel nodded. “I got my own place a few weeks ago, just trying to get settled. Seems weird not living on campus anymore. A part of me misses the dorms.”

“I wanted to call,” the words just flew out of Dean’s mouth unchecked. It was too late to stop them now. “So many times. I wanted to know that you were okay Cas.”

Castiel’s body stiffened, this wasn't the way he wanted to discuss this. “Dean don’t. Now’s not the time.”

“When is?” Dean bit back. “I don’t want to waste time not saying the things I should have said years ago. Mom’s gone and I can’t do anything about it. So I am sure as hell not going to sit here in silence and not tell you how I feel.” Dean shifted in his seat. 

“You are upset-” Castiel tried to rationalize Dean’s words as grief. 

“I love you,” Dean blurted the confession before Castiel could finish.

The words stunned him. Castiel couldn’t move. A knock on the door pulled them to reality. Dean got up and left. Castiel would have a minute to gather his composure. He contemplated calling his sister and having her come get him but Dean returned before he could build up the nerve to dial.

Castiel could barely finish one piece of his pizza. His stomach was in knots. “Say something,” Dean pleaded after ten minutes of silence. 

“How long?” Castiel managed to force out. He knew he shouldn’t ask. He’d imagined this moment in his head over and over. Every simulation resulting in another broken heart for himself. Dean had rejected him all these years ago. How could he do such a thing if he really did love him?

“Since the start of senior year,” Dean replied, nervously gripping an empty beer bottle in his hand.

“Five years?” Castiel did the math. “Then why did you do that to me Dean? I kissed you and you rejected me.” Castiel still bore the mental scars of Dean’s rejection. He could still feel the points on his chest where the other man had pushed him away so many years ago. He could still see the eyes of his friends and family looking on in horror. And now he wanted to scream. To stand up and let Dean Winchester have it. But his stupid heart stopped him. No matter what he’d done, Dean had still just lost his mother. Castiel was upset but he wasn’t a monster. “I should go.”

“Cas please,” Dean pleaded, his hand catching Castiel’s arm, stopping him. “I can’t,” Dean’s voice was hitched. “I can’t be alone right now.”

Castiel searched the green eyes before him. He knew if he left Dean would probably break. “This isn’t fair,” he uttered.

“I know,” Dean huffed, eyes fighting back more tears. “I’m sorry.” Dean hung his head in shame. “Do you?”

“What?” Castiel frowned.

“Do you still love me?” 

Castiel’s hands dropped down to his side as his gaze lowered to his feet. “I don’t know.”

Dean didn’t falter. He just stood there watching him. If they continued they’d both probably end up saying things they’d regret and Dean wasn’t up to fighting in his current state. “Truce?” Calling a truce was something they used to do when they were younger and fighting over something.

“Truce,” Castiel agreed. It would be a lot less painful option, he figured as they returned to the couch. Together they pushed aside their awful past and changed topics altogether. Castiel told Dean about California, school, his apartment and where he hoped to end up working.

Dean showed Castiel a few clippings of the articles he’d written in the past few months. It was shocking how easily they slipped into old patterns. The conversation flowed easily as if they’d only seen each other last week. Minutes turned into hours and eventually it started to get late. Dean even told Castiel that he should move back and take one of the vacant teaching positions available in the elementary school they attended as kids.

However as the hours clicked over a look of pure exhaustion covered Dean’s face. Castiel was sure the other man hadn’t sleep in a couple of days. “Dean you need to rest.”

“I can’t,” Dean shook his head. Stubborn as always; a true Winchester. 

“You’ll make yourself sick if you don’t sleep,” Castiel was more than prepared to deal with the stubborn streak. He was about the only one other than Mary who’d been able to. 

“Will you stay?” Dean asked sheepishly.

Defeated, Castiel sighed looking down at the couch. “Sure,” he nodded. “I’ll make up the couch myself.”

“No!” Dean snapped. “Sorry, I mean, will you,” his face went flush. “Will you sleep in my bed…with me? I just…I need someone else there if that makes sense.”

‘Take the couch!’ Castiel’s brain was screaming but his heart won out. “Okay,” he answered.

Dean provided him with a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants to borrow. He had a queen size bed, more than enough room for both of them. 

Castiel slide into his side of the bed. His stomach was doing back-flips. He wanted to reach out to the other man but stopped himself. “Goodnight Dean,” he whispered. 

“Thank you Cas,” Dean breathed back a faint reply, falling under in barely a minute.

A violent shake woke Castiel. It took him a few moments to realize where he was. “Dean?” he tried to see the other man in the darkness. The shaking stilled and a sob soon started. “Dean,” Castiel reached towards the man next to him.

The gesture was all Dean needed before he moved forward, entangling themselves together. For a second time in less than twenty four hours Castiel had Dean Winchester crying against him. And for the second time in twenty four hours Castiel was glad he was there.

“I dreamt about her,” Dean admitted, no more words were needed.

Castiel didn’t reply, he just lay there rubbing soothing circles into Dean’s back. Neither man spoke again as sleep eventually claimed them again.

When morning came Castiel was first to wake. He noticed they’d shifted in the night. Dean’s chest was now slotted against his back, and an arm was now draped over his waist. Castiel smiled to himself thankful that the nightmares didn’t return. He didn’t want to move, it didn’t feel right to wake Dean before his body was able to fully rest. Castiel just lay there thinking about the previous day’s events. One in particular clung to his mind. Dean had said he loved him. Where did they go from there? Sure Castiel still loved him too but was that enough to forget the past? 

He’d put up so many walls to protect himself when he moved away. It frightened him just how easily Dean was able to tear them down.


	3. I'll Race You Standing Still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are all enjoying this!

Castiel would be lying if waking up next to Dean didn’t feel blissful. That was until he’d remembered what today was: the funeral. It was just after eight am. Soon he’d have to wake Dean. He knew it would take a while to get Dean up, showered and ready to go. 

Thankfully when Anna texted him Castiel’s phone was on vibrate. Of course she already knew where he must have spent the night having not returned home with her.

**_Anna: Is everything okay?_ **

Castiel smiled at his sister’s concern. **_I’m fine Anna. Dean and I will meet you at home so I can change and we can all go to the funeral together._**

Within seconds she replied. **_Anna: I don’t like this Castiel._**

He knew exactly what his sister was referring to. She had been the one to find him crying in his room when he was supposed to be graduating high school. She was the one who waited through all his tears. But she did not know Dean like he did, how much Dean needed him, and how much he needed Dean. He let the other man sleep for another few minutes before grabbing Dean’s arm. “Dean it’s time to wake up.”

The other man just mumbled something in his sleep. Castiel smiled, this time he nudged Dean in the stomach with his elbow.

“I’m awake,” Dean groaned. He looked content, almost cheerful having woken up next to Castiel. But the mood didn’t last long once the haze of sleep wore off and he remembered what today was. “I guess I’ll go shower.” Dean tore himself off Castiel and retreated into the bathroom. 

Castiel lay there silent in the now cold bed. Dragging himself to his feet, Castiel headed downstairs to prepare breakfast, it was going to be a big day and the pair needed their strength. The sound of the shower turning off signaled to Castiel that Dean would be coming to look for him any minute. Castiel grabbed the fresh cup of coffee he’d just poured and turned to the sound of a figure approaching. “I made break-”

“Not hungry,” Dean took the cup offered to him, breathing in the bittersweet smell of the brew.

Dumbfounded Castiel just stood there staring at the other man. Dean was only wearing a towel, his hair still damp and tussled. “You…you…you need to eat Dean,” he eventually stammered out trying his hardest not to stare at Dean’s bare chest. Sure he’d seen Dean shirtless plenty of times growing up but now the other man was older and his muscles filled out his form perfectly. 

“No thanks,” Dean just turned on his heels taking the cup of coffee with him. “I’ll be ready in ten,” he called down the hallway. 

Castiel huffed, looking down at the eggs he’d just made. Suddenly he wasn’t very hungry either.

By 8.40am they left. Dean looked handsome in a tortured soul kind of way wearing his suit. Castiel almost told him how good he looked but figured it was inappropriate considering the circumstances. They drove in silence, Dean knew the way to Castiel’s family home off by heart.

“Wow I haven’t been here in a long time,” Dean was trying to make small talk hoping to make this trip down memory lane less awkward.

“Castiel,” Anna shrieked as he walked through the door. “What were you thinking? Wait were you ever thinking at all? You know what he put your through-” her rant was cut short when Dean entered behind Castiel. In a mix of anger and embarrassment she stormed off back to her room to change.

Castiel left Dean in the lounge room, promising to make his shower quick. He was surprised however to find Dean sitting on his bed when he emerged from the bathroom. “Dean?” he gasped. 

“Sorry I didn’t want to wait alone,” Dean looked down at the floor. 

“Its fine,” Castiel walked towards his old wardrobe where he’d hung the contents of his suitcase. 

“Not that one,” Dean interrupted as Castiel went to pick a white shirt. “I was hoping you could wear the blue one, it matches your eyes better,” Dean shrugged. “Sorry I was a bit bored waiting.”

A small chuckle escaped Castiel as he thought about Dean going through his clothes practically dressing him. It felt weird getting dressed. Sure he had changed in front of Dean many times when they were younger but this time was different. Castiel was sure he could feel Dean’s green eyes watching him methodically.

“How do I look?” Castiel asked as he slid on his jacket. He was nervous but just wanted to break the tension.

“Beautiful,” Dean was on his feet now. Castiel froze as Dean approached him. Dean smiled weakly before reaching out. “Here,” Dean adjusted the other man’s tie for him. “Perfect.”

Relief filled Castiel as he let his shoulders relax once more. He was an idiot for thinking that something more was going to happen. Until it did.

Dean kissed him. It was gentle but cautious and did not last long. He pulled back. “Sorry,” the smile on his face was gone.

It took all of Castiel’s will just to get his mouth to work again. “Dean, I,” he tried but just didn’t have the words. The kiss while short lived was amazing, sending a jolt down his spine.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean misinterpreted. “I’m sorry let’s just forget about it. Come on,” Dean was already out the room heading for the stairs.

Anna was waiting for them as they descended the staircase and made their way to the front door. She didn’t comment on the stroppy silence that sat upon the two men. She opted to drive her own car and follow them.

The impala reached the church. Dean turned off the engine. “Cas I,” he began but Castiel cut him off.

“Dean not now, let’s just get you through today then we can talk okay?”

“Thanks,” Dean brushed a hand through his hair. “I’m so glad you’re here, I don’t think I could do this by myself.”

“Mary was an amazing woman, this is the least I can do,” Castiel offered. “Come on.”

The pair reached the stairs to the church when Castiel heard a familiar voice.

“Dean,” another man called from the top of the stairs closing the gap between them.

“Sammy,” Dean hugged his brother. When they pulled apart Sam’s focus changed.

“Cas?” he looked at the man accompanying Dean. 

“Hello Sam,” Castiel stuck out his hand but got swept up in a bone crushing hug.

Sam looked confused. “When did you get here? How have you been? Are you moving back?” His barrage of questions were ceased when another man joined them.

“Cas,” he spoke softly, acknowledging Castiel with a nod of the head.

“Mister Winchester,” Castiel took John’s hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Your wife was a brilliant lady.”

“Thank you,” John smiled weakly, something that must have been a Winchester trait. “It’s time,” he told the group before turning around to enter the church with Sam in-toe. Anna followed them, squeezing Castiel’s shoulder reassuringly as she passed him.

Dean however was not moving. “Cas I can’t.”

“Your family need you now Dean,” Castiel wasn’t sure what else he could say. There was no way to make the day any easier but they just had to do it.

“And I need you,” Dean winced, fighting back tears.

“Then let’s go together,” Castiel took the other man’s hand in his own and the pair entered the church. 

The ceremony was beautiful. Over two hundred people crammed into the church to celebrate the life of Mary Winchester. Castiel heart broke a little when he caught both John and Sam crying. But not Dean. He just sat there stone like. The grip of Dean’s hand on Castiel’s thigh let him know that the other man was finding it tough to keep it together. No doubt there would be tears later when it was just them. Part of Castiel was glad that only he got to see that side of Dean.

Castiel drove the impala from the church to the cemetery. Only the closest friends and family surrounded the burial plot. Dean had asked Castiel to stay when he’d thought that maybe he should leave with Anna. 

Grey clouds began to swirl around above head. As if nature itself was saddened by the loss.

The wake was held in the function room of the roadhouse. Castiel saw a lot of familiar faces. Taking the time to say hello to everyone he hadn’t seen in so long. He soon found himself at a table with Anna, Jo, Chuck, Sam and Pamela. “What have they been feeding you?” he joked with Sam. “When I saw you last you barely came up to my shoulder and now,” he gestured at the rather tall frame of Sam Winchester. The group laughed, even Sam, which made Castiel feel warm inside, until he felt like something was missing; Dean. Where had he gone? Castiel was sure he said he was going to just grab a drink from the bar and then he’d be right back. But that was fifteen minutes ago.

Excusing himself, Castiel got up from the table and scanned the room. No sign of Dean. But Castiel still knew the other man and his patterns. Exiting out the back door Castiel walked into the alleyway out back. “There you are.”

“I should have known you would find me,” Dean grunted, he was sitting on an upside down milk crate with a half bottle of scotch in hand. 

“Let’s go back inside Dean,” Castiel placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Dean slurred. “Nothing wrong with sittin’ out here.” He tipped another milk crate over and dragged it to his side. “Here.”

Castiel sat. “Fine but only for a moment, then we’re going back in.” He knew Dean was trying to get drunk.

“Okay Cas,” Dean took another swig of the scotch. “Never could say no to you.” He fought off the other man when Castiel reached for the bottle.

“Where are your manners?” Castiel barked before taking a mouthful from the bottle. It burned as it went down. He hated scotch, but it was better than to let Dean drink it all by himself.

Dean chuckled, holding up his hands in apology. “I couldn’t have done this without you Cas.”

“You are stronger than you think Dean Winchester,” offered Castiel before taking another sip. 

“Why do you do that?” Dean asked.

Castiel frowned, handing back the bottle. “Do what?”

“Say exactly what I need to hear, especially after the way I treated you, I don’t deserve it.”

Anger filled him now as Castiel reached up and smacked Dean on the back of then head. “Don’t say stupid things. I can only imagine what you are going through. Of course you deserve it Dean.”

“I know I said it before but I’m sorry Cas I was an idiot,” Dean placed the bottle down now. He didn’t want to hide behind alcohol, he owed Castiel that much. “Hell everyone else thought I was an idiot too. Sammy didn’t speak to me for a month. He thought we were perfect together. Anna slapped me when I went round to try and see you but you’d already left.” He placed a hand on his cheek, remembering the hit. “And mom well she just said she loved me and hoped I’d take the time to think things through.”

Castiel just sat there silenced by Dean’s words.

“Seems like everyone else knew before I did,” Dean chuckled. “Took me long enough to realize that I loved you, that I had loved you for a long time. But when I tried to fix it you were already gone and I knew I’d lost my chance.” 

A single tear worked its way down Castiel’s face. He had dreamt about this moment before, where Dean would confess his love for him but he had never been prepared for this moment.

“I think there’s been enough tears for one day,” Dean reached up and wiped away the stray tear with his thumb. “I love you Castiel Novak.”

“I love you too Dean Winchester,” Castiel smiled, holding Dean’s hand against his cheek. “I guess we don’t need that truce anymore.” They both laughed and then for the second time that day Castiel found himself being kissed by Dean.


	4. Can't You See The Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just want to lay here, like this, with you,” Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel on the cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone has enjoyed reading this...

Stumbling up the driveway, Dean was flush against Castiel’s body. “Shh,” Castiel tried to keep Dean’s movements as quiet as possible. It was late and no doubt Anna was already in bed.

“You are so good to me Cas,” Dean smiled nipping at Castiel’s ear playfully.

“Dean,” Castiel hissed dropping his house keys. In hindsight bending over so carelessly to pick them up may have been a mistake.

“I could get used to this,” mused Dean as he grabbed the smaller man’s hips from behind.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, pushing Dean back before finally managing to open the door. “Come on.”

“Yes sir,” Dean gave a wink and a fake salute before entering the house. 

Together they made their way upstairs, Dean was a little handsy but Castiel could deal with it. In his room Castiel lay out a pair of sweat pants for Dean. “Put those on.”

The wicked smile that covered Dean’s face disagreed. “It’s much more fun when we wear nothing Cas,” he whispered before grabbing hold of Castiel and kissing him. Within seconds Castiel had lost his jacket, his tie and his belt. He felt fingers inching their way down his chest undoing the buttons of his shirt. 

“Dean,” he moaned trying to pull away. This was not right. Sure it was something Castiel had imagined several times but not like this. He could not take advantage of the drunk man before him, especially on this day. “Dean,” his voice had more conviction as he managed to pull away.

Dean didn’t look too pleased. “What? Don’t tell me you don’t want this. I saw that look in your eyes when you saw me in my towel this morning.” His tone was playful and only a little slurred. “Come on Cas, you know I need you.”

The growl in his voice made Castiel’s stomach jump. But eventually he pushed back on Dean’s advances. “Not tonight Dean you are drunk. We will see how you feel in the morning.”

“Morning sex,” Dean liked the sound of that. “Why not both?” And now his shirt was off.

Castiel bit down on his own tongue to stop himself for completely going brain dead at the sight before him. His heart and other lower parts definitely wanted this but that is when his brain decided to finally kick in. “Dean no, we can’t, not now.” He was not going to sleep with the man whose mother was only buried hours earlier. “I won’t insult Mary Winchester like that.”

The words pierced Dean, stopping him dead in his tracks. Castiel was cautious. Was Dean going to break down again or hit him? Perhaps he’d gone too far saying that to him.

“You are right Cas,” Dean let out a loud huff. “I’m sorry.”

“It is already forgotten,” Castiel smiled weakly. “Let’s just go to bed.” Before he could retreat to a safer distance Dean grabbed him again and pulled him into a kiss, but this was much slower, and more delicate.

“Thank you,” Dean whispered against the other man’s cheek. They did not speak again as they climbed into the bed. Castiel let Dean be the bigger spoon again that night. In truth he quite enjoyed it.

When morning came Castiel was first to wake. He carefully slid out from under Dean’s grasp, noticing the whimper the other man gave as he moved away. As much as Castiel wanted to stay in that bed, his bladder had other ideas.

Returning from the bathroom Castiel stopped in his tracks and just stood in the doorway looking down at the sleeping man. Dean looked so peaceful, his brow was less furrowed than it had been the night before. He grabbed his phone and slipped outside.

Dean stirred not long after, frowning when he noticed the room was empty. His head pounded but he didn’t let that stop him from sitting up. He could just hear the faint voice outside his door. Castiel was speaking to someone.

“Two weeks?” Castiel told the man on the phone. “Yes I can do that. No I don’t have my things with me but I can get them shipped, it won’t be a problem.”

Try as his might the pounding in his head meant Dean could barely focus on the conversation. 

“Good morning,” Castiel beamed down at him as he re-entered the room.

“Morning,” Dean huffed, sitting up before taking the coffee that Castiel had been drinking and downing the rest. Castiel laughed at the action. He was caught off guard when Dean reached up and grabbed him, pulling him back into the bed. “Not ready to get up yet,” Dean groaned.

“Oaf,” Castiel squirmed out of Dean’s grasp to get into a more comfortable position. 

It would be a lie if Castiel didn’t admit that he did not want to spend every morning like this. Hungover or not it was beyond belief to have Dean Winchester lying next to him. The pair were face to face smirking like lovesick fools. 

“What should we do today?” Castiel was not sure what Dean would be in the mood for. Although the other man was sporting a smile he knew that it still masked a lot of pain in his heart. The funeral was still in the forefront of their minds.

“I just want to lay here, like this, with you,” Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel on the cheek.

“You are a sap,” Castiel poked Dean in the chest. He really shouldn’t have down that. Dean lunged forward and easily pinned Castiel down as he lay a top of him. “Dean stop it, let me go,” Castiel squirmed but laughed as he spoke. 

“Never,” Dean grimaced, “I’m never letting you go again.”

The words stabbed at Castiel’s heart, in a good way. “Dean I-”

“Stay,” Dean cut Castiel off. Whether he meant to or not the words just slipped out on their own.

The pair went silent and awkward. Dean’s grin dissipated as he rolled off Castiel and got off the bed altogether. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Dean,” Castiel tried but Dean’s mood had already changed. 

“It’s okay,” he waved him off. “I am guessing you will want to be on your way back to San Francisco soon? Maybe I can come and visit or…”

“Dean Winchester stop being such an idiot,” Castiel all but yelled at him. The words had the intended impact as Dean froze. Castiel got to his feet so they were face to face. “Do you really think I am going to leave you a day after telling you that I love you?”

“But you have a life back there,” Dean frowned. “And then there’s your apartment.”

“It’s a rental Dean and I have moved before,” Castiel deadpanned.

“You mean?” Dean cocked a brow.

“I already accepted the teaching job you told me about this morning.” He had barely got the words out before Dean crash tackled him back into the bed. 

“Dean you are crushing me,” Castiel tried not to laugh as he attempted to push Dean off of him.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbled before capturing Castiel’s lips against his own. When they pulled apart Castiel saw a glint of happiness in those green eyes for the first time since he returned. 

“Though it was a good apartment, it’s a shame to give it up,” Castiel stroked a hand through Dean’s hair, he knew Dean knew he was only teasing.

“You could live with me?” Dean beamed.

“Your place is far too small. I think I will stay here,” Castiel replied. Dean frowned and rolled off of him, somewhat hurt and excitedat the same time. “Until,” Castiel continued, “we can find a place of our own.” 

“Really?” Dean jumped out of the bed. For someone with a hangover he was surprisingly active.

Castiel nodded. “Really.” But Dean was already out of the door and gone. Castiel frowned unsure of what just happened. 

“Give that back!” Castiel heard Anna yell before he heard feet make their way back towards his room. Dean had the newspaper with him.

“Apartments for rent,” Dean smirked as he flicked through the newspaper. “Don’t want to waste any time.”

Castiel smiled.


End file.
